Who You Say I Am.
A few months ago I read a book called "The Road Back To You." It's all about The Enneagram, which is basically the idea that there are nine different personality types that explain why people think, feel and act the way they do. If you can pinpoint what type you are, you can work on improving yourself. If you can pinpoint what type others around you are, you can learn to better communicate with and understand them. I thought it sounded interesting. If I'm being completely honest, the book bored me to tears. I felt like I was in a college lecture with a monotone professor, like the teacher on Ferris Bueller. That is until I got to my chapter. (I cheated and took the test online to see what type I am so I could skip to that chapter.) If you Google "Enneagram Test" you can take one of many online tests to find out your type.
Anyway, I'm a Type 2 - The Helper. Not surprising. I was ok with that title. I mean, what could be negative about being a helper, right? So I read my chapter, which said that a "Balanced 2" is empathetic, sincere and warm-hearted. They are friendly, generous, and selfless. (Awww.... I'm pretty much perfect!) And then. THEN. The author goes on to say that an "Unbalanced 2" has a fear of being unwanted, not needed, and unworthy of being loved. They tie their identity and self worth to helping others. Their 'helping' others can even become selfish because they're not helping for the sake of being helpful, but rather to fulfill their own need to be needed. (Hmm... I'm not feeling so perfect now.) I quickly realized that I am on the FAR end of the unbalanced spectrum. He gives the example that an unbalanced 2 may tie their identity to being a mother. The need for their kids to need them is so great that they truly believe they will have no worth once their kids are grown up and on their own. So they try to control every aspect of their kids lives while they still can. This hit home for me. Big time. If that doesn't describe me perfectly, I don't know what does.
My kids ARE my identity. One has already moved out, and realistically I probably have less than 5 years with the other one before he leaves. Then who will I be? What will I be worth? Absolutely. Nothing. What an awful way to feel. No wonder I struggled so much with the thought of my daughter moving out! Half of my self-worth was leaving with her.
Fast forward to a few weeks ago, when I was listening to Christian radio and heard the debut of Lauren Daigle's new single "You Say." If you haven't heard it, listen here: https://youtu.be/sIaT8Jl2zpI . I also started hearing the song "I Am Who You Say I Am" all the time. I have had that song stuck in my head for weeks. And every time I get it out of my head, I hear it again. So I started thinking.... who DOES God say I am?
Ephesians 2:10 - For we are God's masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago.
I don't know about you, but I have NEVER considered myself a 'masterpiece.' Not even close. I look in the mirror and I see an aging, tired mom with little wrinkles forming by my eyes, imperfect hair and an even more imperfect body. Not to mention all of my internal flaws. I am moody. I can be judgmental. I'm impatient. I'm demanding. I can be selfish. I can be unkind, and unforgiving. There really is no end to the imperfections I could list about myself. But God calls me His masterpiece? How dare I criticize His work? How dare I call myself worthless? Would I ever walk into an art gallery and in front of the artist who created this work say "Ew. That's kind of ugly. You really should have made it this color, or that texture. I really don't think it's worth much." Of course not! So why, then is it acceptable for me to be so critical of God's masterpiece?
Scripture tells me that He knew me before he formed me in my mother's womb. He knows the number of hairs on my head. He knows everything about me, and do you know what he calls me? He calls me His child. His CHILD.
That brings things to a whole new level. He loves me as His own child. I think about the love I have for my children. It's an unconditional, unfailing, unwavering, crazy love like I have never felt before. A love I never knew existed. A love that no one or nothing could ever, EVER change. When I look at them, I do see a couple of masterpieces.
How beautiful is it that the God who made everything, looks at me with that same kind of love?
THAT is my identity.
Anyway, I'm a Type 2 - The Helper. Not surprising. I was ok with that title. I mean, what could be negative about being a helper, right? So I read my chapter, which said that a "Balanced 2" is empathetic, sincere and warm-hearted. They are friendly, generous, and selfless. (Awww.... I'm pretty much perfect!) And then. THEN. The author goes on to say that an "Unbalanced 2" has a fear of being unwanted, not needed, and unworthy of being loved. They tie their identity and self worth to helping others. Their 'helping' others can even become selfish because they're not helping for the sake of being helpful, but rather to fulfill their own need to be needed. (Hmm... I'm not feeling so perfect now.) I quickly realized that I am on the FAR end of the unbalanced spectrum. He gives the example that an unbalanced 2 may tie their identity to being a mother. The need for their kids to need them is so great that they truly believe they will have no worth once their kids are grown up and on their own. So they try to control every aspect of their kids lives while they still can. This hit home for me. Big time. If that doesn't describe me perfectly, I don't know what does.
My kids ARE my identity. One has already moved out, and realistically I probably have less than 5 years with the other one before he leaves. Then who will I be? What will I be worth? Absolutely. Nothing. What an awful way to feel. No wonder I struggled so much with the thought of my daughter moving out! Half of my self-worth was leaving with her.
Fast forward to a few weeks ago, when I was listening to Christian radio and heard the debut of Lauren Daigle's new single "You Say." If you haven't heard it, listen here: https://youtu.be/sIaT8Jl2zpI . I also started hearing the song "I Am Who You Say I Am" all the time. I have had that song stuck in my head for weeks. And every time I get it out of my head, I hear it again. So I started thinking.... who DOES God say I am?
Ephesians 2:10 - For we are God's masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago.
I don't know about you, but I have NEVER considered myself a 'masterpiece.' Not even close. I look in the mirror and I see an aging, tired mom with little wrinkles forming by my eyes, imperfect hair and an even more imperfect body. Not to mention all of my internal flaws. I am moody. I can be judgmental. I'm impatient. I'm demanding. I can be selfish. I can be unkind, and unforgiving. There really is no end to the imperfections I could list about myself. But God calls me His masterpiece? How dare I criticize His work? How dare I call myself worthless? Would I ever walk into an art gallery and in front of the artist who created this work say "Ew. That's kind of ugly. You really should have made it this color, or that texture. I really don't think it's worth much." Of course not! So why, then is it acceptable for me to be so critical of God's masterpiece?
Scripture tells me that He knew me before he formed me in my mother's womb. He knows the number of hairs on my head. He knows everything about me, and do you know what he calls me? He calls me His child. His CHILD.
That brings things to a whole new level. He loves me as His own child. I think about the love I have for my children. It's an unconditional, unfailing, unwavering, crazy love like I have never felt before. A love I never knew existed. A love that no one or nothing could ever, EVER change. When I look at them, I do see a couple of masterpieces.
How beautiful is it that the God who made everything, looks at me with that same kind of love?
THAT is my identity.
Comments
Post a Comment